Happy Hubby House Rules Explained- Rule 5

Learn to follow your hubby's lead physically.

I promise to treat this topic discreetly. It will probably have a PG/ PG-13 rating, though.

We know that men are visually attracted, right? I mean, simply look at the clothing that male designers make. This should be a given. Think about it, how did you dress when your hubby dated you? Do you still dress that way? Do you even try? Truly?

I have  a theory about it. It hasn't failed yet, though anything is possible. Ask your hubby what his favorite sports car is. It has to be a sports car. Not a truck or a sedan. A SPORTS car. My hubby's is a '76-'78 Corvette Stingray T-top.

Photo Credit

 

 

Here's me:

 

 

 

Not a ton of curves on either of us, but long thin lines. It's similar. I am not as slim now as I was when we married, but I try to be weight conscious and am still within 30 pounds of when we married. Working on being 20. The same theory has worked with every lady I have asked. Dodge Chargers usually go with a bigger boned lady; a Mustang goes with a girl with an athletic build. But it has to be a SPORTS CAR. If his answer is a truck, don't be offended!! Ask for his favorite sports car!!

 

All that to say, God made men VISUAL!! Have you done anything lately to visually please your hubby?

 

If he loves your hair, have you done something to make it look specially nice for him recently? Not for church. Not for going out. For him!!

 

Have you gotten out of your jammies this week? While you were at home all day?

 

Have you worn his favorite outfit lately?

 

Have you checked your underclothing drawer lately? Do they make you feel distinctly feminine? If not, go buy something that does! No one sees them but you... and HIM!! Buy some that you love. It doesn't have to be super expensive. You can go through the self- checkout at Walmart if that makes you feel better. Get SOMETHING!! He'll appreciate it.

 

The flip side of your husband being attracted to you physically is every other man. When you dress for your husband, be sure HE is the ONLY one that gets to enjoy ALL you are made of. When you dress to go out, if your husband says it's too much, it means he doesn't want every man in town to see "his" property. By "property" I mean there are parts of you that only your husband should fully understand and know. If your clothing is tight enough/ low enough/ high enough/ see-through enough to leave little to the imagination, or less to the imagination, you are really dishonoring your husband. After all, doesn't God's Word say, "The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband..." (I Corinthians 7:4)? Listen to your husband. Even if you wear a sack dress to please him, HE WILL BE PLEASED!! And didn't you pick HIM out of the millions of men in the world?

 

And just because he's visual doesn't mean he doesn't need to be touched. When did you last greet him with a kiss? When did you last touch his arm as you walked by? When did you last sit beside him just to watch a movie?  or read? or watch his favorite sports team? I crochet while my hubby watches. Then, when he gets excited, I look up to watch the replay. :)

 

What about your words? When did you last tell him "I love you" for just because? When did you last admire his muscles? Ask him if he lost weight? Compliment him on his outfit, or the way his outfit compliments his eyes/ shows off the weight he lost/ looks awesome on him?

 

What about your weight? (OK, I am preaching to myself here most of all. I need to get going!!) Do you do some form of exercise? Even if you have little time, pushing the stroller outside for thirty minutes is better than nothing!! Do you watch what you eat? (and not just as you put it into your mouth :)) Eat what you need, watch the rest! It may seem easy for me to talk about these things, and heaven knows I have been blessed there. First, YOUR HUSBAND MARRIED YOU!! No one else!! He loves you as you are now. That being said, we all can TRY for more. And second, I gained twenty pounds in two years. I am slowly working to lose them again. For now, I try not to complain and to do the things I know I CAN do!

 

I guess I'm saying, "Make it about HIM!" How you dress, how you style your hair, how you buy ALL your clothes, how you speak, how you touch him. SHOW him!! TELL him!!!

 

Yes, he is COMMANDED to love you!! But do you really want him to have to seek God's help to make it possible?? Be lovely for him!! From the inside, out.





So Sorry

I'm sorry for being absent for so much of the month of September. I finally have internet at home, and am going to be far more faithful from here on out. Thanks to my two readers for their patience with me. :)

Happy Hubby House Rules Explained- Rule 4

Train Your Children

Do you enjoy your children? Or are they frustrating? My heart breaks for the moms who enjoy more the times when they are NOT interacting with their children. I thoroughly enjoy my sons!! (I am not partial, God only gave me three boys.) I am with my boys every hour of every day except one shopping & errand trip every other Thursday or Friday and an occasional date night. I also homeschool. My boys are my life.

So how do I get anything done? How do I get my house clean? Here's my method. Some have done things with their children sooner than me, others later. This is not Bible doctrine. It is simply suggestion. Something to help you with your children. For those whose children do more than mine, feel free to leave suggestions!

Ok, back on track:

1) Be sure your children KNOW you love them. Jeremiah 31:3 says, "... Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore, with lovingkindness have I drawn thee." God Himself draws us in love! Think of your school teachers. Who was your favorite? My favorite was my fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Hutchinson. Why? Because there was far more praise and approval than there was rebuke.
      When in the business world, they tell you to administer criticism this way: praise-- criticism-- second praise. Our children are eternal souls!! We point them toward eternity with our words. We form their lives with our praise and criticisms. Do we "draw" them to ourselves the way the Lord draws us to Himself? This step is the most vitally important! Think of it! The Lord dedicated all of I Corinthians 13 to the importance of this truth!! Without this step, the rest of what I say is nothing. As a matter of fact, the rest of these without love simply breed resentment.

2) Teach your children to work. The book of Proverbs is FULL of truths about the slothful. God made mankind to work. BEFORE the fall, they were to keep the garden. Without a job to do, people begin to fuss and backbite.
      So, here's what I did:

• As soon as they could take a toy out of a bucket, it was time to teach them to put it back. It was a game. They had no idea they were learning to work. Until they were around three or four, I assisted in cleanup to keep their minds focused.
• When they could walk, they put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket and their diapers in the trashcan.
• When they were two, they began to drag their laundry basket to the washing machine and dumping it out
• Around two (when they were tall enough) they began  to clear their plate, cup, and utensils from the table
• Around two and a half, they began to help set the table. I now have three kids, so each gets one thing: cup/ plate/ fork. (Sidenote: I put all cups and plates in the bottom cabinets. Pots and casserole dishes go high. Why? so my children can be part of our family "team.")
• When they could sit, they were sitting on a counter, playing in the water to "help" wash or rinse the dishes. But at three, they began to help put the dishes away. They now share the responsibility of emptying the dishwasher after breakfast every morning.
• Around 3 1/2 they learned how to fold clothes. Starting with washcloths. I helped until they did them right. If they do it wrong at 3 1/2, they will do it wrong at 13.
• As soon as they could, they dressed themselves. I do not pick outfits except for church services. Oh, and family pics. Yes, plaid and cammo is sometimes worn. Who cares? They feel accomplished, I saved time, and it makes great blackmail during the teen years. :)
• At six, they began putting their clothes away. By then, they could fold all their own. I helped them put the clothes for a couple weeks, to get them used to where everything went. Then, if it was not put away properly (after a good warning) I dumped the whole drawer out and they had to fold it up and try again.
• My oldest just turned nine. Since 8 1/2 he has started the washer and dryer. Now he washes, folds, and puts away his own clothes.
• Because of moves and crazy homelife, we are just now teaching all three boys how to make their own beds. Next on the agenda is to teach my nine year old how to cook on his own instead of just helping mommy.

      Why? Why do my children do these? For now, because it helps them to feel part of a team. But really? Because I am working myself out of a job. I have NO DESIRE to be a mom that washes and irons and cleans after my teenager. Let alone my college student.

3) Train them to obey. Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Make that verse say what you will, I believe my GOD. Deuteronomy tells us to teach them "line upon line, precept upon precept."

• Since I started from day one, I taught them to lay still while I changed their diaper. I only said, "Straight leg" while I held their leg still with my arm and fastened that side of their diaper. I never had trouble changing them.
• First thing to teach them is "no." No means stop. No means look at Mommy to see what's next. Teaching them this in the crawling stage makes walking a breeze.
• Paci? For mine, I confined the paci to the crib at one year old. They were a "big boy" now. They could sit in the crib all day with their paci. But to get out, they had to surrender it. Then, to move from the crib to the toddler "big boy" bed, the paci stayed with the crib. They could sleep in the "big boy" bed, but could not bring the paci. When they woke in the night, I put them back in the crib with the paci. Mo oldest took a week to choose the bed over the paci. My second, three days. My third, zero. Easiest job ever!!
• We have three major house rules. They cover a multitude of sins.
• If it's not yours, and you don't ask, dont touch it.
• Obey right away with the right attitude.
• Ask first.

My hubby enjoys our children. I am not perfect. I am not always consistent. My youngest had a HUGE problem with anger until I figured out suggestion number one: LOVE. But I LOVE being around my boys. Other people like my boys.

Train them!! It brings peace to your home.

Happy Hubby House Rules Explained- Rule 3

Keep Your Home Clean!

Why do we wait so long for house cleaning? Why do we procrastinate the inevitable? Do we expect it to disappear? Or for the cleaning fairy to show up? Seriously, I wish she would show up… or Mary Poppins! Either one would be escorted directly to the largest mess at that moment.

Rabbit trail. Sorry. Think of your hubby. We know God made women emotional and men visual. That extends into every area of their lives. You think your messy house is driving YOU crazy?? Think of your husband whose eyes were made to appreciate symmetry and order and design. Think of where he works and the order there. (Sidenote: I know some men work in very messy cubicles because they have no idea about organization. But since I cleaned an office area in college, I also saw some of the men who had messy cubicles “living” in the conference room when it was unoccupied). If his work place has some sort of organization, then he comes home to YOUR house, does it make him feel more or less relaxed?

Also, every man has his pet peeves. Those areas of the house that he absolutely cannot stand to see a mess in. I have a friend whose bed MUST be made whenever there is no one sleeping in it. For my dad, it’s his gun storage. Every piece must be in a specific spot. For my hubby, it’s the kitchen counter. It simply MUST be clear. If legos are left out, he will be the one to step on them, so I guess that too… Find out what your hubby’s is, and be sure it’s the first thing you do in the morning, and the last before he arrives home from work.

OK, to begin this part… I had this system… three years ago? Or four? It worked beautifully. Why did I stop? Truthfully, I got lazy and discouraged and I quit. But before that, here’s what I did. Assign each task a day, and straighten every day. For me it was:

• Mondays- Weekend recovery and sheets washed (our weekend is crazy, so there’s always a disaster on Monday, no matter how clean it may have been at the beginning)
• Tuesdays- Bathrooms (boys. Four boys… I touch up through the week, but these are the big days).
• Wednesdays- Vacuuming and menu planning (Sales flyers come on Wednesday, and Thursday is payday)
• Thursday- Dusting or Fridge cleared and cleaned with shopping trip.
• Friday- Dusting and/or Kitchen (Depends on shopping week or not)

I have also cleaned by room. Bedrooms one day, Bathrooms, Living room, Kitchen. The only thing was, I would only vacuum all of them on one day. I hated taking it out twice. Wow, that sounds lazy. It just seemed stupid since it was already out.

Also, utilize your children. You are a team!! You work TOGETHER. To do the cleaning for them makes you automatically adversaries- they take it out, you have to put it back away. I will cover this more tomorrow with rule four.

Be consistent, and it will become a habit. It becomes routine. It makes your children feel safe. Momma’s not going to go into one of those crazy “let’s throw it all away and start over” moods today.

If your home is truly cluttered, I’ll make a separate post, then tag it back here. It really isn’t impossible! And once you start, it’s easier to continue. So start… off you go! Ok, self…. GO!!

Clutterbugs Unite!!

If your home is truly cluttered, here is what I have learned. I grew up with a pack rat. While not quite reaching the “Hoarder” level, we were often half way there. So how did I make myself get rid of things? The answer is VERY SLOWLY.

When I got married, we moved into a two bedroom apartment. The second bedroom was full of junk. My junk, yes. Still junk. Then I started watching T.V. shows about junk filled rooms. And I got inspired. Over the first two years of our marriage, I went from a junk room to a junk closet. It took two years! But now, I can honestly look at things that come through my front door and know it is headed straight to the trash can. No regrets.

So what would I tell you if you’re just starting out?

• Watch some TV shows to get inspired. The ones they use the junk in a yard sale and use the money to make the room beautiful.
• Make three buckets (ok, this idea is not original, but it is effective): Keep, Toss, Give. A fourth: Decide later, if you need it.
• Learn that “If you don’t like it, don’t keep it” really can be your philosophy. If you still feel bad getting rid of it because your cousin’s friend’s brother gave it to you… TAKE A PICTURE and take it to a secondhand store so someone else CAN enjoy it. The picture is a permanent reminder of their thoughtfulness, and takes up far less room. If someone asks you where the whatever is, say, “I am not sure where it is at the moment. If I looked hard, though, I’m sure I could find it.” You didn’t lie, and you didn’t offend either.
• Learn that if you can buy a new one for less than twenty bucks, having it here now is NOT worth your sanity. If you can’t store fourteen boxes of macaroni noodles without using counter space and aggravating yourself, WHO CARES what a great deal you got on them??
• The statement, “A place for everything, and everything in its place” helps greatly. Just make sure your “place” is within arm’s reach of the place you use it the most. For instance, if your bookshelf is in the back bedroom, but you read in your recliner in the living room, expect a stack of books on that table.
• When you clean, expect to find all that stuff you lost. When I helped my mom organize her computer/ Sunday School storage room, we found 28 rolls of scotch tape, 5 boxes of a thousand staples, 3 boxes of brads… and so much more! By putting it all in one place, she now knows where to find each thing. Before she just bought more because she couldn’t find the one she already bought.

Do not expect to become organized overnight! If you try to ride a bike for the first time, you will not be doing tricks off of a four foot ramp at the end of the day. If you want to become a baker, you don’t make danishes at the end of the first day. It will happen… as long as you do not quit. Find something to encourage you (one organized place where you can find everything as if by magic), and stick to it!

Happy Hubby House Rules Explained- Rule 2

The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

The statement is old, but still true. It hasn’t changed since it was first written hundreds of years, or perhaps when it was spoken thousands of years ago.

Want to say you’re sorry in a more meaningful way? For a girl, send flowers or chocolate. For a man, make his favorite dessert.

Want to say thank you for something? For a girl, send a personal note or card. For a man, make his favorite dinner.

Breakfast in bed? A girl will feel bad about it and share it with those who served her. A man will feel special, and enjoy it with relish.... as long as you don't leave the room.

For a candlelight dinner, a girl will notice the candles and the room, the man will remember the food they ate.

See. The way to a man’s heart IS still through his stomach.

So what does all this mean for your hubby? How do you use it to keep him happy??

Follow these suggestions:

• Always have dinner/ lunch/ breakfast ready at a consistent time he can count on. My hubby works nights, so lunch is always at one. It is consistency he counts on.
• Be prepared for what you are going to make that day. Be sure you think in the morning of what will be for dinner that night. Or, get breakfast preparation done the night before if that is a big meal. And if you prepare early, you will know if you are missing the lasagna noodles before you start to assemble it. (Do not ask me how I know this!)
• When you plan your shopping trip, plan the menu. Ok, I hate being tied to a schedule, but want to be sure I have all I need. So when I plan two weeks’ worth of meals, I plan twelve days’ worth of meals (two days of left-overs) without scheduling them for a specific day. Most of the time, I don’t use all of the meals, but I have all I need for the pay period.
• When you plan your meals, be sure you plan your husband’s favorite meals for every week or two. My hubby loves Mexican and Italian. If he’s had a bad day, it’s pizza. So, I make sure to plan with that in mind. My hubby also dislikes beans, but I can get away with them if I make tortillas (yes I make my own... kinda. Maseca is wonderful stuff). Even in the poorer times, I try not to do them more than three times in a two week payday. In times when we can afford it, I try not to use them at all. Serve your hubby’s tastes. Not your own.

Just so you know, I’m not perfect. I have not made a meal plan in a year. Ever since life was turned topsy turvey and we moved. But this is what I want to get back to. The thing I miss. I want to get back to my hubby’s heart… through his stomach. Hope this helps you find your hubby’s heart too.

 

Happy Hubby House Rules Explained- Rule 1

Keep Papa Bear Happy

So, do you enjoy when you are fighting with your husband? Really? Seriously?

So is it worth the confrontation to speak your mind? Yes, it feels better to get it off of your chest for the moment. Yes, now he knows just what you think. But is it worth making him angry? Is it worth the discord it brings into your home afterward?

A long time ago (well, eleven and a half years ago) when I was getting married, my mother gave me some of the best advice I've ever heard about marriage. She told me (although not in these exact words)

            “Learn to SHUT UP!! The Holy Spirit is far better at his job than you will ever be.”

Okay, so my mother never says the words “shut up.” Even when she is the most upset. She constantly amazes me. But the principle of what she said, the saying that sticks in my brain, is true. It has LITERALLY saved my marriage.

How? You may wonder. Because when my wonderful hubby went through three major knee surgeries one after the other, he needed pain relievers. Tylenol wouldn't touch the pain, and he turned up with a reaction to ibuprofen. The only thing that would help was Percocet. If you did not already know, percocet takes only fifteen days to become addicted. FIFTEEN DAYS. Needless to say, two years and three surgeries later, addiction was no longer a possibility. It was a reality.

When dealing with someone who is addicted, I learned this lesson well. SHUT UP. You see, I could ask him to quit... and he would promise to. Five years of our marriage, nearly half, was spent in this circle. Over, and Over, and Over. One addiction can destroy everything around it because of the bad decisions of the addicted person...

Did I consider divorce? Yes. I did. Because I was done. I couldn't do it any more. He wasn't willing to change. He wouldn't even try. That's what I thought. But when I arrived at the end of my strength, and actually asked God to kill one of us because I couldn't do this any more.... He gave me His strength.

One day, clear as anything, God asked if I would hurt less if I were a divorcee. If I would suddenly feel better. The answer was no. Leaving would not fix the hole in my heart. I felt that I would also harm my sons more if they did not have their Daddy there for them. The only fix was if I stayed. I wouldn't stop loving the man I knew was in there somewhere.

So I shut up... and prayed. And prayed more.

For six months.

And nothing happened.

In fact, it got worse.  My husband began to make more foolish decisions. We were close to losing our house. My husband's father (the man he most admired) was dying. Then my husband QUIT HIS JOB!!! I just knew my husband was going to walk away from me the day his died. I was HEART BROKEN. And still I prayed. I hung onto God's promises for dear life. I Peter 3:1 took on a whole new meaning.

And eight months after my hubby's dad died, we lost the house. Yet, through it all, God took care of us. I truly believe it was God honoring my faith and submission. Not because I did anything great. I just trusted and obeyed.

It has been seventeen months since we started on the road toward recovery. The road has been long and hard. My insecurity combined with his addiction to create many hardships on the way. Yet God has brought us here. To a place far better than we had before.

Why would I share this with you? A total stranger? To give you courage. To strengthen your faith. To point you to my Saviour. Without Him, we would have been divorced for the last five years. Without His strength, without His shoulder to lean on and cry, without His presence and wisdom to guide my speech.... my marriage would be gone.

So I pass this advice to you to help you with Happy Hubby House Rule #1:

            “SHUT UP!!! The Holy Spirit is far better at His job than YOU will ever be!!!!

Only then can you keep Papa Bear happy.