Happy Hubby House Rules Explained- Rule 1

Keep Papa Bear Happy

So, do you enjoy when you are fighting with your husband? Really? Seriously?

So is it worth the confrontation to speak your mind? Yes, it feels better to get it off of your chest for the moment. Yes, now he knows just what you think. But is it worth making him angry? Is it worth the discord it brings into your home afterward?

A long time ago (well, eleven and a half years ago) when I was getting married, my mother gave me some of the best advice I've ever heard about marriage. She told me (although not in these exact words)

            “Learn to SHUT UP!! The Holy Spirit is far better at his job than you will ever be.”

Okay, so my mother never says the words “shut up.” Even when she is the most upset. She constantly amazes me. But the principle of what she said, the saying that sticks in my brain, is true. It has LITERALLY saved my marriage.

How? You may wonder. Because when my wonderful hubby went through three major knee surgeries one after the other, he needed pain relievers. Tylenol wouldn't touch the pain, and he turned up with a reaction to ibuprofen. The only thing that would help was Percocet. If you did not already know, percocet takes only fifteen days to become addicted. FIFTEEN DAYS. Needless to say, two years and three surgeries later, addiction was no longer a possibility. It was a reality.

When dealing with someone who is addicted, I learned this lesson well. SHUT UP. You see, I could ask him to quit... and he would promise to. Five years of our marriage, nearly half, was spent in this circle. Over, and Over, and Over. One addiction can destroy everything around it because of the bad decisions of the addicted person...

Did I consider divorce? Yes. I did. Because I was done. I couldn't do it any more. He wasn't willing to change. He wouldn't even try. That's what I thought. But when I arrived at the end of my strength, and actually asked God to kill one of us because I couldn't do this any more.... He gave me His strength.

One day, clear as anything, God asked if I would hurt less if I were a divorcee. If I would suddenly feel better. The answer was no. Leaving would not fix the hole in my heart. I felt that I would also harm my sons more if they did not have their Daddy there for them. The only fix was if I stayed. I wouldn't stop loving the man I knew was in there somewhere.

So I shut up... and prayed. And prayed more.

For six months.

And nothing happened.

In fact, it got worse.  My husband began to make more foolish decisions. We were close to losing our house. My husband's father (the man he most admired) was dying. Then my husband QUIT HIS JOB!!! I just knew my husband was going to walk away from me the day his died. I was HEART BROKEN. And still I prayed. I hung onto God's promises for dear life. I Peter 3:1 took on a whole new meaning.

And eight months after my hubby's dad died, we lost the house. Yet, through it all, God took care of us. I truly believe it was God honoring my faith and submission. Not because I did anything great. I just trusted and obeyed.

It has been seventeen months since we started on the road toward recovery. The road has been long and hard. My insecurity combined with his addiction to create many hardships on the way. Yet God has brought us here. To a place far better than we had before.

Why would I share this with you? A total stranger? To give you courage. To strengthen your faith. To point you to my Saviour. Without Him, we would have been divorced for the last five years. Without His strength, without His shoulder to lean on and cry, without His presence and wisdom to guide my speech.... my marriage would be gone.

So I pass this advice to you to help you with Happy Hubby House Rule #1:

            “SHUT UP!!! The Holy Spirit is far better at His job than YOU will ever be!!!!

Only then can you keep Papa Bear happy.