Clutterbugs Unite!!

If your home is truly cluttered, here is what I have learned. I grew up with a pack rat. While not quite reaching the “Hoarder” level, we were often half way there. So how did I make myself get rid of things? The answer is VERY SLOWLY.

When I got married, we moved into a two bedroom apartment. The second bedroom was full of junk. My junk, yes. Still junk. Then I started watching T.V. shows about junk filled rooms. And I got inspired. Over the first two years of our marriage, I went from a junk room to a junk closet. It took two years! But now, I can honestly look at things that come through my front door and know it is headed straight to the trash can. No regrets.

So what would I tell you if you’re just starting out?

• Watch some TV shows to get inspired. The ones they use the junk in a yard sale and use the money to make the room beautiful.
• Make three buckets (ok, this idea is not original, but it is effective): Keep, Toss, Give. A fourth: Decide later, if you need it.
• Learn that “If you don’t like it, don’t keep it” really can be your philosophy. If you still feel bad getting rid of it because your cousin’s friend’s brother gave it to you… TAKE A PICTURE and take it to a secondhand store so someone else CAN enjoy it. The picture is a permanent reminder of their thoughtfulness, and takes up far less room. If someone asks you where the whatever is, say, “I am not sure where it is at the moment. If I looked hard, though, I’m sure I could find it.” You didn’t lie, and you didn’t offend either.
• Learn that if you can buy a new one for less than twenty bucks, having it here now is NOT worth your sanity. If you can’t store fourteen boxes of macaroni noodles without using counter space and aggravating yourself, WHO CARES what a great deal you got on them??
• The statement, “A place for everything, and everything in its place” helps greatly. Just make sure your “place” is within arm’s reach of the place you use it the most. For instance, if your bookshelf is in the back bedroom, but you read in your recliner in the living room, expect a stack of books on that table.
• When you clean, expect to find all that stuff you lost. When I helped my mom organize her computer/ Sunday School storage room, we found 28 rolls of scotch tape, 5 boxes of a thousand staples, 3 boxes of brads… and so much more! By putting it all in one place, she now knows where to find each thing. Before she just bought more because she couldn’t find the one she already bought.

Do not expect to become organized overnight! If you try to ride a bike for the first time, you will not be doing tricks off of a four foot ramp at the end of the day. If you want to become a baker, you don’t make danishes at the end of the first day. It will happen… as long as you do not quit. Find something to encourage you (one organized place where you can find everything as if by magic), and stick to it!

Happy Hubby House Rules Explained- Rule 2

The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

The statement is old, but still true. It hasn’t changed since it was first written hundreds of years, or perhaps when it was spoken thousands of years ago.

Want to say you’re sorry in a more meaningful way? For a girl, send flowers or chocolate. For a man, make his favorite dessert.

Want to say thank you for something? For a girl, send a personal note or card. For a man, make his favorite dinner.

Breakfast in bed? A girl will feel bad about it and share it with those who served her. A man will feel special, and enjoy it with relish.... as long as you don't leave the room.

For a candlelight dinner, a girl will notice the candles and the room, the man will remember the food they ate.

See. The way to a man’s heart IS still through his stomach.

So what does all this mean for your hubby? How do you use it to keep him happy??

Follow these suggestions:

• Always have dinner/ lunch/ breakfast ready at a consistent time he can count on. My hubby works nights, so lunch is always at one. It is consistency he counts on.
• Be prepared for what you are going to make that day. Be sure you think in the morning of what will be for dinner that night. Or, get breakfast preparation done the night before if that is a big meal. And if you prepare early, you will know if you are missing the lasagna noodles before you start to assemble it. (Do not ask me how I know this!)
• When you plan your shopping trip, plan the menu. Ok, I hate being tied to a schedule, but want to be sure I have all I need. So when I plan two weeks’ worth of meals, I plan twelve days’ worth of meals (two days of left-overs) without scheduling them for a specific day. Most of the time, I don’t use all of the meals, but I have all I need for the pay period.
• When you plan your meals, be sure you plan your husband’s favorite meals for every week or two. My hubby loves Mexican and Italian. If he’s had a bad day, it’s pizza. So, I make sure to plan with that in mind. My hubby also dislikes beans, but I can get away with them if I make tortillas (yes I make my own... kinda. Maseca is wonderful stuff). Even in the poorer times, I try not to do them more than three times in a two week payday. In times when we can afford it, I try not to use them at all. Serve your hubby’s tastes. Not your own.

Just so you know, I’m not perfect. I have not made a meal plan in a year. Ever since life was turned topsy turvey and we moved. But this is what I want to get back to. The thing I miss. I want to get back to my hubby’s heart… through his stomach. Hope this helps you find your hubby’s heart too.

 

Happy Hubby House Rules Explained- Rule 1

Keep Papa Bear Happy

So, do you enjoy when you are fighting with your husband? Really? Seriously?

So is it worth the confrontation to speak your mind? Yes, it feels better to get it off of your chest for the moment. Yes, now he knows just what you think. But is it worth making him angry? Is it worth the discord it brings into your home afterward?

A long time ago (well, eleven and a half years ago) when I was getting married, my mother gave me some of the best advice I've ever heard about marriage. She told me (although not in these exact words)

            “Learn to SHUT UP!! The Holy Spirit is far better at his job than you will ever be.”

Okay, so my mother never says the words “shut up.” Even when she is the most upset. She constantly amazes me. But the principle of what she said, the saying that sticks in my brain, is true. It has LITERALLY saved my marriage.

How? You may wonder. Because when my wonderful hubby went through three major knee surgeries one after the other, he needed pain relievers. Tylenol wouldn't touch the pain, and he turned up with a reaction to ibuprofen. The only thing that would help was Percocet. If you did not already know, percocet takes only fifteen days to become addicted. FIFTEEN DAYS. Needless to say, two years and three surgeries later, addiction was no longer a possibility. It was a reality.

When dealing with someone who is addicted, I learned this lesson well. SHUT UP. You see, I could ask him to quit... and he would promise to. Five years of our marriage, nearly half, was spent in this circle. Over, and Over, and Over. One addiction can destroy everything around it because of the bad decisions of the addicted person...

Did I consider divorce? Yes. I did. Because I was done. I couldn't do it any more. He wasn't willing to change. He wouldn't even try. That's what I thought. But when I arrived at the end of my strength, and actually asked God to kill one of us because I couldn't do this any more.... He gave me His strength.

One day, clear as anything, God asked if I would hurt less if I were a divorcee. If I would suddenly feel better. The answer was no. Leaving would not fix the hole in my heart. I felt that I would also harm my sons more if they did not have their Daddy there for them. The only fix was if I stayed. I wouldn't stop loving the man I knew was in there somewhere.

So I shut up... and prayed. And prayed more.

For six months.

And nothing happened.

In fact, it got worse.  My husband began to make more foolish decisions. We were close to losing our house. My husband's father (the man he most admired) was dying. Then my husband QUIT HIS JOB!!! I just knew my husband was going to walk away from me the day his died. I was HEART BROKEN. And still I prayed. I hung onto God's promises for dear life. I Peter 3:1 took on a whole new meaning.

And eight months after my hubby's dad died, we lost the house. Yet, through it all, God took care of us. I truly believe it was God honoring my faith and submission. Not because I did anything great. I just trusted and obeyed.

It has been seventeen months since we started on the road toward recovery. The road has been long and hard. My insecurity combined with his addiction to create many hardships on the way. Yet God has brought us here. To a place far better than we had before.

Why would I share this with you? A total stranger? To give you courage. To strengthen your faith. To point you to my Saviour. Without Him, we would have been divorced for the last five years. Without His strength, without His shoulder to lean on and cry, without His presence and wisdom to guide my speech.... my marriage would be gone.

So I pass this advice to you to help you with Happy Hubby House Rule #1:

            “SHUT UP!!! The Holy Spirit is far better at His job than YOU will ever be!!!!

Only then can you keep Papa Bear happy.

Happy Hubby House Rules

Number 1. Keep Papa Bear happy. When Daddy ain't happy, Momma (and everyone else) ain't either.

Number 2. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. It doesn't have to look pretty, but it better taste good to him!

Number 3. Keep your home clean. After all, you do want him to enjoy being in it. Know what makes him upset, and always be sure it is clean.

Number 4. Train your children. You want their father to enjoy their company, and (after all) the saying does go “it takes a mothers (not father's) love.”

Number 5. Learn to follow his lead physically. Not all guys are the same, and what is going on in his job or your lives will affect his desires too.

Number 6. Speak respectfully to and about all members of your household. All males have egos, after all. Your “putting him in his place” removes you from the pedestal he had made “your place.”

Number 7. Learn his pet peeves, and never, never, NEVER do them. My hubby's are crunching ice and racial anything.... therefore, I never refer to a person's color or nationality unless asked, and I enjoyed my week long visit to my mom's (without my hubby) where I munched to my heart's content.

Hope you keep your hubby happy. Feel free to comment with rules I may have forgotten.

Home Sweet Home

In North Carolina where I grew up, it is not unusual to see a beautiful new farmhouse, complete with wrap around porch and a brand new paint job that is within eyesight of an old barn or farm house that is rusted, crumbled, and overgrown with shrubs and trees.  It is a little less usual, but all the same, you can find these old, rusted barns full to the brim with junk: yesterday's treasures, spare parts, and an occasional tractor.  Even less usual... maybe even very rare, is an old farmhouse from years gone by, beautifully restored and serving a new owner as a their home sweet home.

            Just like these scenes I've painted in your mind, it is easy to see differences in homes and marriages across our land.  Brand new marriages, where one or both of the parties are divorced are just like that beautiful new farmhouse, new and unstained. Their new marriage is within eyesight of one that has crumbled and grown over with neglect.  The old barn full of useful and non-useful things is just like a marriage that has been neglected but never left.  That older couple you see with few things in common, many sources of contention, but memories of good times, and somewhat of a partnership.  And, just as rare as a restored farmhouse is in the countryside, there are marriages that have been beautifully maintained, or even restored to the place that they are things to truly stop and admire.

          The purpose of this blog is not merely for my enjoyment in writing, nor simply for your pleasure in reading. It is to encourage each of us to turn our hearts toward our husbands once again and learn how precious they truly are.

            My prayer for you, is that one of the points illustrated in one post or another will help YOU and YOUR marriage become more wonderful.  If you leave this blog with the same marriage, I have failed.  But if one thing, and one thing alone, has changed for the better, I have succeeded.  May God bless you and your home, and may your home become truly “Sweet”.